Today was my first day completely alone since my surgery on July 27. My mother stayed with me through yesterday, and my brother came to visit a couple of times. He's a doctor, so it's been good to have him around for some of my appointments.
I cried last night, that's how much I missed my mother. I am 40 years old! We talked on the phone and she promised to check in with me today. This morning I got up and got out the door (after a Slim Fast and my first round of vitamins), picked up a coffee at Starbucks (I can't stand the smell of coffee in my own apartment) and listened to This American Life on NPR sitting in the park. Then, I hit the road and drove around my area. There are some very scenic towns and countryside, so I took photos (tramping around was good exercise) and nipped in and out of antique stores. I drank a delicious iced tea at a little general store/cafe, then came back to town to do some shopping at Target.
As I drove around, I found tears streaming down my cheeks from time to time. It was a sense of profound relief, gratitude, and accomplishment. I did it. These are the times when I truly believe there is a good, that's how profound the feelings were. I know I'm just at the beginning of the rest of my life, but now I feel there's something to look forward to. I was so tired of feeling like the elephant in the room -- literally! No one said anything (my family avoided the subject after many years of trying to get me to lose weight), but "it" was always there.
On another note, I don't know how other surgeons do it, but the team I am working with seems extremely thorough. They don't beat around the bush when it comes to the dire things that could happen if you don't properly follow the post-surgery diet progression, take your vitamins, and otherwise decide to do your own thing.