Those three days circled in red...

...Are past now. I'm sitting at home trying to not think about the five openings I have in my body, less than inch-long incisions now stapled shut. Plus on my left side, upper under my breast is a hole with plastic tube coming out of it. This tube attached on the outside of my body to a small plastic container that's sort of shaped like a football. This thing collects drainage from the stuff that's going on inside my body, post-surgery.

I can shower, which I do daily -- very carefully. I lie around alot, as sitting straight up is uncomfortable. There are a lot of vitamins to take, there's a lot of fluid to imbibe, dressings to be changed, etc.

My mother is here with me. She mostly watches TV and reads as I try to do as much as possible for myself. Still, it's good to have her around. I would hate to be alone at this time.

After a few days post-surgery, I began to experience the first glimmerings of hunger, but they are easily sated with clear juices, broth, water, and jello (although I don't really like the jello). My new favorite snack is Crystal Light Frozen pops. Actually something I can crunch on AND counts as a liquid!

On Thursday, my birthday, I go to my first doctor's appointment post surgery. At this time I hope to have the tube and little football removed, and learn when I can start nibbling on such delicacies as scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes!

No food, just fluids -- 2 hours in

Day one of the two-week pre-surgery liquid diet. I have to ingest at least 100 grams of protein a day, plus 64 ounces of clear fluids. The ingesting part is not too bad, it’s the hunger and desire to chew on something later today that I am afraid of.

I veer between apprehension and excitement. This is the start of the new me, or the improved me – I hope.

So here are some of the reasons I am doing this… Things I need to remember as I hit the rough patches in this process (in no particular order):

Feel better about myself
Be able to buy fashionable clothes & look good in them
Fit comfortably into airplane seats and not need a seatbelt extension
Have more energy
Look attractive to men
Have sex
Not feel scared about seeing people who knew me when I was skinny
Set a good example for my niece and nephews
Allow my family not to worry about my health and well-being
Be healthier

LATER THE SAME DAY:
Now I know what it feels like for smokers and drug addicts to try to kick their habits: It feels like a minute by minute fight to tolerate hunger accept the fact that there will be no food for a very long time. Just yucky protein drinks, water and broth.